Week 3 Day 1: Loving Yourself
Week 3: My Relationship with Self
Workbook Exercise: My Own Self
Watch: Week 3 Day 1: Loving Yourself
What do you love about yourself?
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Transcript of Video:
In this phase of our growing a Rule of Life, we are focusing on your relationship to yourself. There are some wonderful words in the prophecy of Isaiah: “You are precious in my sight and honored and I love you.” We have been created by the love of God, for the love of God, in the love of God. This is what God is up to, and God is up to in your life. This is how God is operating, so cooperate. Cooperate with how God is operating in your life. How you love yourself will make a world of difference in how you relate to others. It will set the bar for how you relate to others. Loving yourself is so important. You’re worth it.
Some of us have qualifiers. Some of us have had “weeds” sown into the ground of our being, which may go all the way back to childhood and they’ve never been eradicated from the garden of our soul. I have got some drive inside of me that says “should” a lot. I should be able to get this done, I should be able to do this, I should be able to perform or complete something at a certain level – and I seldom get to that level. And for me what I get in touch with is some weeds that go way back, which I have not yet completely eradicated, and for which often times I need help with fellow gardeners to be able to live a whole life and really, really bloom.
– Br. Curtis Almquist
I pondered this for a while, and found it hard. But eventually, I knew. It is my sensitivity, but strangely it is also the very thing that I sense those close to me would probably most like to change. But then I wouldn’t be me. I wrote a few words about it as a little poem..
Sensitivity
Like a flower,
beautiful
soft and gentle.
Fragrant with Jesus
I consider her
and am thankful.
She is the part of me
that is most like Him 🌸
What do I love about myself? This is a difficult question to answer; I’ve been pondering it since yesterday, wondering what to say. I have a lot of self-criticism and doubt to dig through. But two things come to mind as I look at myself, and how I’ve been created: I love my ability to create things, and I love my ability to solve problems. Both of these I see as gifts from the Lord and I thank Him for putting these in me. Creativity is manifest in many ways in me – in my professional life as a chemist, in how I write, in how I sing and play piano, in how I draw, in how I think. Creativity goes hand in hand with problem solving; I love being faced with a problem to solve and creating a solution to it. This happened very often in important ways in my career, and also in my life outside of work, fixing or repairing things. Oftentimes a solution to a problem would just come to me. I receive a great sense of satisfaction upon completing a project, be it something creative, or a problem I’ve solved.
What I love about myself is my gift of welcoming, my smile. It warms my heart and brings joy to me when I’m able to connect with and help others especially to help them not be so lonely.
Hard question for me to answer. I have been taking care of people all my life and I get great pleasure in helping people get better. And at times when you cannot make someone better I hope and pray for them to have comfort and peace. I guess what I like about myself is the willingness to care for others. I thank God for the courage and strength to do this for others.
It’s hard to really say I love something about myself. I would say I have learned to be slow to anger and dont hold on to it because in the end it helps me. And on the lighter side I love my passion for cooking. Which of course God gave me but also gave me my mentors. My mom and grandma. And I love cooking for people. That is a gift as well. Thank you.
Oh, my, I love the fact that God has made me specially like God and for God, I love the the many gifts God has endowed me with: a good voice, a good body, intuitiveness and always wanting to create and impact people, I just love my straight forwardness and love that I always long for the truth.
Perfect question, ty, one we might ask ourselves daily as it forces us to see our best. I finally came up with perseverance—I keep working, mentally, physically, spiritually no matter what…that’s how I found your Website! This time I needed to work at being quiet and still enough to hear and God sent me to your very nourishing garden, thank you all, I LOVE the Rule, especially #21.
What I love about myself is that God finds me loveable. My self assessment (Phase 2) is long on weaknesses and short on strengths – but that’s ok, I’m a work in progress, and God still loves me.
What a hard question! As soon as I start to think about it, judgement creeps in, or qualifications, such as yes but…not all the time…and so on.
I love that I am generally kind, that I reach out to others,that I am optimistic ,that I love to learn and develop.
I am a tender-hearted and sensitive person who enjoys people from all walks of life and most people respond positively to my presence. I have a special affinity for the elderly. I enjoy the arts and love to sing and especially appreciate chamber and liturgical music. I have a deep appreciation for prayer, the liturgy of the church and the presence of Christ in the Sacrament and the gathered community. I enjoy cats, dogs, birds, flowers and nature. In addition, I love beautiful handmade things, artwork, as well as attractive environments and take joy in creating pleasant, interesting, restful spaces.
This is a tough question for me much of the time I either dwell on my mistakes or what others think of me. When I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD I thought the medicine and knowing finally what I was dealing with would fix me. I was horribly wrong all it actually did was help focus myself and how to take care of myself. I guess if I had to name something that I love about myself it would be my love for others and that no matter what happens I continue to show up.
On recent cross-country travel to spend time with daughter & grandchildren, I took (and read) the book “Living Buddha, Living Christ”. The words about meditation, peace, and calmness helped me maintain calmness in difficult family situations. It helped me maintain silence too, to let the words of others bounce off of me (rather than stick), so that I did not respond to negative speech — which furthers conflict. I realized that just letting the words “sit’ rather than respond takes me out of the situation and leaves the “adolescent” words hanging where they do not belong rather than accepting them by response. That allows calmness to prevail.
I love that I have the opportunity to visit people in the hospital and service their needs for peace, calmness, and quiet. Thanks be to God!
I think this is going to be a hard part of this journey for me I find it hard to examine myself without being critical however the things that I love about myself are my willingness to help others I love that I am stronger than others might perceive me to be I love that I am willing to admit to mistakes most of the time I love that I am intelligent and Willing to risk being creative sometimes.
my above post, seems to be disingenuous now, as I really go deeper into Brother’s guidance. I stopped at the gate and peered in… a safe distance from the deeper experience… accepting the impact of aging is requiring a beginner’s openness…
as we went back in the consolidation… I returned to this one.
Shoulds…. I’ve contracted a case of the shoulds! It has slipped in as I have aged, measuring myself against what I was able to accomplish, what, and how well and oh yes, and how long did it take, and was the result as “good” as it once was.
These last few years especially. I blame — aging. I
am not being wise enough to challenge the self-judging…and I even did it again in that sentence. Such a habit its become. There has been no real fault line moment, like a stroke or heart attack… just a gradual erosion of what I’d come to accept about myself — and NOW, I have a new me to accept and embrace. I thought, I was done. Silly, isn’t it.
I don’t know how to approach a Rule of Life and not begin with a long series of shoulds that linger from I used to dos… and I miss the consolations that accompanied the availability to the Presence of God.
Muddled… shoulds bring out the muddled …
I don’t think about myself as a list of assets and deficits.
… though one deficit did leap to mind as I wrote the word deficit. I’ve irregular “depth” to my roots. In some areas, when ‘tugged on’ I am easily uprooted. In others, not so much. Since God gives the growth…those roots are God’s play in my heart.
Sometimes, I can be aware of God’s Presence in my life. Sometimes, loudly large… sometimes soft and comforting. When I’m able to engage, without distraction in the Presence of God, I know God’s grace… and give God the glory. It must be the Grace of God because in and of myself — hmmm is there such a thing as ADD of the soul? sort of attention deficit disorder of the soul?
Not much. I will try to picture what God may love about me and see what I come up with.
dear julie… maybe, you can see yourself in what you love about God…
This strongly resonates with me. I have so slowly been growing out of the poor ideas about myself sown in childhood, and I am always fiercely aware of how they still drive my self image as well as my carriage! Intellectually, I have begun to defeat these negative voices, I am ready to stop carrying them and stop carrying myself with that burden showing. I love that I am honest, sincere, that I am a lifelong learner and that I have achieved more than I ever dreamed. I like that I fearlessly trust God with my decisions and my life.
The fact that I have a strong loving and caring heart to the point that I love everyone like a brother and sister and that I can forgive people very easily. Another thing is that I realize that I might get frustrated with someone but its not because I hate them but its the action that they are doing at the moment that I don’t approve of. At the same time I have a very open mind.
My answer to this stems from a lifetime of observation and awareness of the natural world, my eclectic taste in music (though I’m not a musician, but wish it were so), having good conversations with others (meaning I have had many a conversation with…me; this could either be a bit psychotic, or hopefully it is a common anomaly.) My regret is that I haven’t turned these things into a more fruitful life.
It sounds as though you are part of humanity! The drawing of the stick human has given me plenty to think about. Maintaining balance is the theme I find most challenging. Your challenge in balancing of conversations with others and with yourself is one I share. So I am conversing with you, much against my habits. I have been thinking about Martin Buber’s book “I and Thou”, and trying to treat my interactions with people with more attention and intention, whether the person is my mate or the store clerk. Have you come up with a useful tool for balancing things you feel are out of balance?
Pat: Balance is something that is missing in my life. In conversing with others, I’ve always been a bit clumsy, stumbling over words, and over my own thoughts. I can write, but have had trouble speaking. I’m not sure what I should be doing to find that “tool”. Reading (thanks for the book suggestion) is something that I really need to bring back as a positive activity, replacing old distractions with this. Despite my clumsiness, I do enjoy good conversation. Peace to you.
What I love in me is that I am a caring , kind and rational person. I take pleasure in nature and the so called small things in life. I love my creative ability- drawing, painting, writing , knitting, sewing( , cooking, and feel very happy when I have created a new piece of work.I thank God for this but not nearly enough!
I guess it would be that I have the gift of joy and wonder in all God’s works. This world is beautiful and amazing to me, and more often than not, I appreciate it and pay attention to it. I do believe it is a gift that I’ve received.
I love my sense of humor. It is a little skewed at times in that I can see something funny in almost any thing that may hit. My husband is very serious – must be a hold over from all those Naval officer days – so I make an effort every day to make him laugh. And, I try to bring laughter to everyone I’m around. We have so much unhappiness, tragedy & horror that surrounds us, I think it is very important to find a little space in each day to be light hearted. I like that I’m always curious & reading things to learn something new. It seems like no day goes by without finding something new, interesting & valuable.
I love my capacity for passion.
I love my sense of beauty, especially where music is concerned. (It’s my vocation, after all.)
I love my sense of morality – one that I apply only to myself.
I love that I have a gift for teaching.
I love, most of all, that I have the capacity for an immanent and oh-so-intimate relationship with the God in whom we live and move and have our being – the God who is Love.
…my favorite monk
…i never ‘pull’ weeds from the past…i purchased a digger thing and ‘dug’ them out…they ‘pull’ out most easily after my Lord cries down a good ‘rain’…i then replace those ‘spaces’ with the perennials i love and then surround them with my favorite ground cover (forgot the name)…
…i ‘love’ this is the best thing in my life…with its’ ‘memories’ the entire theoretical has opened to me…have a peculiar connection to all theoretical constituents…while i cannot see the theoretical it is more important ‘most often’ than what i see in front of me…
I feel uncomfortable in ‘polite company,’ but rather at home among coarse company. I try to nurture that.
Some days in my struggling my way back to health against the Lyme invaders in my body, I have barely moved from my chair. I could not. Everything, even eating or interacting, took too much energy to do.
I, who have spent most of my life attempting to Do, have been forced just to Be, existing not with much at all to contribute to my world.
God knows I am a stubborn learner sometimes.
This inability to move or give back has been a time of teaching me my intrinsic value. Though I never questioned the inherent value of anyone else, no matter how incapacitated, I questioned my own value. I struggled with seeing myself only as a burden, not as a joy, regardless of my current physical capacity. I have had to learn that my very essence has value, my Being much more so than my Doing.
At the deepest level, what I love and admire about myself is how easily and powerfully I love others. And it is in a completely unnecessary way, a way devoid of the need for reciprocity. I am deeply attracted to my fellow humans. I notice their goodness. I relish their presence. We are elegantly made and it is joyful to me to observe us following the Gospel and building the Kingdom. This is not to say I embrace all the sin we have. I am repelled by that in myself and others.
I got that answer just recently. I am perfectly made. I have had a tough road and I am learning to use what I have to move on. I do not want to dwell on past hurts because it is the past and it is unproductive. That is tough because the past is always with us and certain things thing trigger and bring up what I am trying to heal from. It never gets away from us. But we have to move on, to look forward. Because that is our hope. Trying not to let disappointments define who we are as a person.
. I spent a good deal of time reflecting on this question. It took me many years to even begin to love myself , so the question assisted me to see where I am and what weeds may be impending my growth. I love my intellect ,my creativity and my empathy. However what I love most is my desire to have a ever increasing dependence on God. I love that I have come to realize that all that I am and will be is a result of God’s love for me.
Br. Curtis’ meditation was really a springboard of thought for me. The question of what do you love about yourself? is a tough one for anyone who lands anywhere on the introvert side of the introvert/extrovert scale. There is an automatic should “weed” which comes up in that we do not
talk easily about ourselves. There are so many
good answers already – I hope to stick to my own
list. I love being a child of God- knowing that God loves me and is my strength. I love the gift of the Jesus prayer. I love that I am mostly able to see the good in people and that I try to help when and where possible.
I am a sincere, caring person, and I try to show it in my actions to others.
I am very giving in my relationships.
I am easily amused, and like to laugh.
I am very devoted to my friends.
What do I love about myself? I think this is always one of the hardest questions to answer!! Thankfully, I can answer this better today than in years past but I also have some growing to do. Today, I love that I had the courage to find a faith community that I love and that I have become very involved in its walls and its outreach to the community. I value this aspect of myself greatly. I love that I continue to search for what it is that I am to do with my life and that I continue to evolve in ways that seem more true to who I am than in years past. I love that I am finding ways to help take care of God’s creation as each season goes by. I love that I continue to work through some of my weeds (though not yet all of them).
I love a lot about myself especially that I am alive. I love the fact that God is not finished with me yet. I love the fact that I have faith in the will of God. I love most of all that God loves me and I love God and His Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I love that God has endowed me with a lot of great qualities… I am capable of loving my neighbor as myself; I am determined; I am studious; I am devoted.
I love my desire and efforts not to give up on myself, because of God’s unfailing love for me as His beloved daughter.
I am persistent. I learn. I forgive. I love. I am a beautiful child of God.
What do I love about myself? 25 years ago that question would have drawn a blank stare. TODAY I LOVE: my sobriety; my joy of living; my love of people (with exceptions I am working on); my love of service; my Jesus Prayer; my love and faith in God/Jesus; my singing and my acting; my being a good friend, father and grandfather; my love of children and my being the best babysitter on the planet; and so much more. Thank you, Jesus!
There are three things in particular that I like about myself, and all of them are relatively “new” to me–spontaneity, openness, and transparency. In my childhood I learned to be cautious, guarded, and secretive because to be otherwise would get me in trouble. Those behaviors were defensive mechanisms. I wasn’t really aware that I was like that, but when I was healed of so many things over the past decade, all of those old behaviors reversed. It felt like being let out of prison. I think the “new me” is probably closer to the person God made me to be, and perhaps that’s part of why I enjoy those characteristics so much. They reflect who I am at a deep level.
I love that I love life, fellowship, and fun, and that I can fully appreciate the things I have, rather than wish for the things which I don’t. But most of all, I love that I have finally learned how to truly love. What a life-changer!
I love that I just keep trying. I haven’t given up yet! I keep searching for answers, for a closer relationship with God and others. I keep going to nature to find God.
My ability to read. Talk about a garden…it opens up a immense ones.
What I love about myself is that from childhood I was taught about God in such a loving way that I have always felt like I was sitting down, when I prayed, to talk to my Dad. I find myself throughout the day just talking to God as another friend in the room. I remember that as a child when I was alone with music or in a big open field spreading my arms and dancing with God. This relationship was one I never thought about a lot, just thought it was normal for everyone. Recently when I was given some bad news about my health, even though I was sitting there alone with the Doctor…I felt an arm fall across my shoulders and a soft voice in my mind saying “It’s ok, we’ll get through this together.” We have and continue to get through it together. I am so blessed and like that I have been able to share this ease with God with others and not make it sound like only I can have this relationship. I love that my talks with God, my truest friend, continue daily. My earth bound parents died when I was in my teens (50+ years ago), but I have NEVER been with out a parent, friend or confidant a day in my life.
Thank you for your beautiful letter. I have, and still have a mental block about LOVE. i know that I love God; I loved my husband; and I have to know that I love my children because I respond and worry when their lives are not going well.and would do anything for them.
Perhaps the word Love just gets bandied about so much that it has lost something. My grandchildren will sign off a phone call: Love you. What does that mean?
Perhaps it all goes back to childhood when that word LOVE was not spoken although, as I look back, it was there around me – I just didn’t know it.
For Sally
Beautiful
My desire to help others that allows me to jump in even when my inner self says your’e not ready, so Ready or Not I jump in to help. As to weeds there are many, some far back grown when I was a small child that aren’t gone from my soul yet.. those are frequently remembered, but in a strange way let me see that those errors in my past aren’t repeated, so perhaps some weeds are not weeds at all.
I live a life of service to both God and others.
I’m happy about my appearance, though overweight
I love that I’m caring so others feel understood – I love that i can behave in a way where people can trust me with their thoughts & emotions
I love my sense of humour & sense of a little mischief, so I get on well with young people and I can give of myself usefully in meeting & greeting situations
I love the general feeling of being capable and creative. I love my ability to do public speaking. I love God being inside me and teaching me.
What I love about myself is I am able to forgive myself whenever I am unable to reach specific goals I have for myself. This helps me be more understanding of others in the same boat.
That I know I am forgiven and I am forgiving myself more every day. It has been a very long road with weeds that require my attention forever, but God has given me beyond forever
Although the second paragraph is far more familial [I’m ok if; ok,but; ok when; always marginally ok] I’m going to answer the first paragraph’s question: I love my desire to listen, to draw out others, to engage with life. Now, see, I did it.
Thank you for the words of that song, Angela. I am so thankful for the power of God’s Grace.
I love my energy level, but as I age and sometimes get injured I have to find new ways to be productive-too feel needed. Being intentional about spending time with God has been helpful this week.
I also love the imagery of the weeds in our garden- those pesky negative voices that we often replay in our heads. Letting go is so important in God’s healing.
The soul of a curious, outward-looking, competitive
and “good”, sweet and kind, as well as balaced girl inside of me.
My relationship with myself can be a regenerated relationship brought forth from my new creation in Christ. I am a devoted daughter. No more shoulds, oughts, duties. My wants, loves, desires in my regenerated state are holy and good. I can safely choose knowing that He is directing me. So liberating to me. I am free to love as God shows me how to live from the inside out. And I can love myself because He loves me.
I thank God for how He created me. I love He gave me a brain, good looks, strenghth and a heart for serving others in compassion and mercy, along with the traits of diligence and perseverance.
What I love about myself is the reality of making mistakes and knowing that when I do, first I must try to right those mistakes, when and where possible, make amends when it will not add more pain. Then I can and do forgive myself remember that God still loves me, and move on. This isn’t always a one, two, three step process that happens instaneously, but it does repeat itself over time, time and time again. It’s embracing life.
Curiosity
Openness toward others
Laughter
We are kindred spirits, Peggy – I too love those things about myself. I will add one more – highly creative. I feel blessed by these gifts that God has given me to enjoy in my life.
I love about myself that God made me in love, and that He fills me with Himself, with His Spirit. I am a temple made by and for God. I love that I keep the temple of myself healthy. I don’t smoke or drink, I drink lots of water, I eat lots of vegetables and fruit, I walk when I get the chance. I love the fact the my job as an organist is so close to God. It is not just something to earn money by, it is a way of life. I love that I produced three beautiful children. (With help!) Finally, I love that I have worked hard to eradicate the weeds in my life, and although I am sure that there are more, I feel freed by the fact that I have dug up so many.
I think what I love most about myself is my sense of compassion, empathy and caring. I love giving myself to others in the capacity of the listening and offering support. I’m pretty well known among my small circle of friends as the person who will send daily Positive affirmations to someone in need for months and months without missing a day. While I am proud of this in part, I also know that I’m not so great asking for support myself. This often leads me to feel forgotten about . I’d like to learn to balance my compassionate nature with seeking out support when I need it as well.
Well said.
There’s a funny phrase my friends and I use, ” Don’t should on me. And don’t should on yourself”
That word drags shame in the room, not healthy but toxic shame.
I have some weeds that I have dealt with but sometimes I have to revisited because they seem to have pollenated. But that’s a garden, things come back up from time to time.
I love that I really want to love. I love that I experience change and it points to health and love. I am also goofy and fun. I love that on most days I live whole-heartedly.
Thank you for these. Happy Sunday
What I love about myself is that I see the positive side of situations, which I convey to others. I love that God has called me to pray for people.
What I love about myself is that I am kind, and try to help other people whenever possible.
Weeding my flower beds and those weeded from my life have one similarity – they come back. But with the right amount of digging they are kept at a minimum. I love about myself that the weeds in my life no longer take over. I love about myself how forgiveness of self and others is the key to my heart garden gate. I love about myself that God loves me – he told me and I audibly heard him say the words. They were such accepting words. Such endearing words. Such powerful words. Such reassuring words. From that day until now, I am forever his and he is forever mine. I love about myself that I do not forget this even when the weeds attempt to take root again.
Thanks for this description. It stimulated my thinking down a positive path. As an older person, I am always weeding, but carefully, in order to help the “plants” I want to have flourish. When I become judgmental about others’ weeds and shoddy weeding, I try to remember that many weeds are just good plants growing in the wrong place. Even dandelions make good greens and nice wine. That helps me focus on what is in the way of my growth in the spirit, and let others grow their own gardens. Surprise, surprise: I often enjoy looking at their gardens, too.
What I love about myself is my ability to see circumstances from other’s point of view.
What do I love about myself? I care, and I want to be helpful. I want to share God’s love that is so amazing and so undeserved. I know in my head that self-care is a piece of this, but this is sometimes difficult to practice and remember.
What I love about myself is that I am able to love others. I am able to recognize when I need self love. I love that I am a good mother usually a good daughter good wife and good friend I love that I am intelligent and like to have fun. What I also love about myself is that I know God loves me even when I don’t love myself or “my neighbor” or do god’s will as he wants…
Each and every day I must remind myself that through God’s extravagant Grace I am forgiven. His forgiveness is more than I could ever ask for and yet I still find myself drawn backwards by the weeds in the garden of my life. I pray his way will overcome mine and I will love myself as he does.
There is a beautiful song currently on the Christian music charts which every time I hear it reminds me to let God’s way be mine. I get great comfort from these words and felt compelled to share at this time.
The band is Unspoken and the song is “Call It Grace”:
It’s the light that pierces through you
To the darkest hidden place
It knows your deepest secrets
But it never looks away
It’s the gentle hand that pulls you
From the judgement of the crowd
When you stand before them guilty
And you got no way out
Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues, it’s a miracle
It’s nothing less than scandalous
This love that took our place
Just call it what it is, call it grace
Call it grace
It’s the breath that’s breathing new life
Into what we thought was dead
It’s the favor that takes orphans
Placing crowns upon their heads
It’s the hope for our tomorrows
The rock on which we stand
It’s a strong and mighty fortress
Even Hell can’t stand against
Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues, it’s a miracle
It’s nothing less than scandalous
This love that took our place
Just call it what it is, call it grace
Call it grace
Call it grace
Amazing, unshaking
This is grace, this is grace
Unchanging, unfailing
This is grace, this is grace
Just listened to it. Thanks. It’s lovely.
Thanks for sharing. The lyrics also spoke to me in a very special way!
Br. Curtis, You mention ‘should’. How about one step more demanding “ought”? To pull that weed one might loose one’s whole identity. Margo
No, no! We too often get it backwards and act as if we need a stern authority figure telling us what to do. The truth is that, when we weed out “should” and “ought” we are left with choice, and choice is far more empowering for good than compulsion.