Choices – Br. David Vryhof

Br. David Vryhof

Luke 15:1-3; 11b-32

There was once a man whose younger son wanted to make his own choices in life. Now it pained the father to let him make these choices because he suspected that his son was not really mature enough to make wise choices – but still he gave him the freedom he wanted.  (There are times when this is a good thing for love to do.)

At any rate, his son was pleased, and he began to make his choices.

He chose, first of all, to have his share of his father’s inheritance turned into spending money. Then he chose to leave his father’s home, taking all his money with him. Next, he began to choose some new friends, and together with them he chose some ways to spend his money. And with each choice that he made, that deep inner part of him, the part of him that made choices, was becoming something a little different than it was before.

Until at last he found that his choices had ruined him.

That was the turning point.

One day, while feeding a stranger’s pigs (that was where his choices had led him), he remembered something. He remembered who he was and to whom he belonged. And he began to make some new choices.

He chose to set aside his pride and return to his father to beg his forgiveness. He chose to be willing to be a servant in his father’s house rather than to go on being the master of his own fate. He chose to go home.

And with each choice that he made, that deep inner part of him, the part of him that made choices, was becoming something a little different than it was before. And these choices were good choices for him; eventually, they brought him security, fulfillment and joy.

He was not the only one, of course, who was making choices.  His father saw him “while he was still far off,” and he too was faced with a choice. He could have waited in the doorway to receive him with offended dignity – but he didn’t. He could have rebuked and scolded, demand­ing an apology for his son’s foolishness – but he didn’t. He could have talked about making amends or doing penance – but he didn’t. He could have refused to see him and turned him away (and with just cause) – but he didn’t.

He chose instead to hitch up his robes and to race down the road to meet his repentant son. He chose to throw his arms around him and shout and laugh and weep with joy. He chose to cover him with a robe, and to put a ring on his finger and new shoes on his feet. He chose to welcome him with a feast.

And each choice that he made reflected that deep inner part of him, the part of him that made choices, which had been shaped and fashioned by many, many choices made over the course of many, many years.

Now this story about a son and a father and their choices is also about you and about me. And one of the things it means to tell us is that we are shaped by our choices, moment by moment, day by day, and year by year. Every time we make a choice we are turning some deep and inner part of ourselves, the part of us that chooses, into something a little different than it was before.

And taking our lives as a whole, with all our innumerable choices, throughout the whole of our lives we are slowly turning this deep and inner part of ourselves into something that is in harmony with God and with God’s purposes in the world, or into something that is contrary to them. Each of us at each moment is progressing one way or the other.

The son’s initial choices reflect his yearning for independence, popularity and pleasure. These choices do not lead him to love, security, joy or fulfillment, as he hoped they would. Instead they ruin him. But the second set of choices he makes, which includes the choice to turn around, to repent and to seek forgiveness, gives rise to humility and genuine contrition. These choices bring him home.

Our choices matter. Our lives are shaped by our choices, and our choices are shaped by our deepest yearnings, what we desire most. One thing this story can show us is that we become what we choose, moment by moment, day by day, and year by year.

But another thing that this story means to tell us is that God also chooses – in fact, God has chosen. God has chosen to forgive us. God has chosen to accept and pardon and welcome us.

No matter how miserable our choices have been in the past, no matter how vacillating and unpredictable they are in the present, no matter how misguided they may be in the future, God says we are forgiven. God’s forgiveness does not begin with us or with what we deserve; it does not wait for us to be very, very good so that we may be deemed worthy of it. God’s forgiveness begins with God, and with what God chooses freely to give.

God proves his love for us,” St. Paul says, “in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). God chooses to love us precisely when we are least deserving of it, when we are least lovable.

When we come dragging home in our lowest, most unattractive, most undeserving state, God runs to meet us.

This is the beauty of the gospel – that God loves us, without the least regard to what we deserve.  We are forgiven. It may be difficult for us to accept this unwarranted grace. We would prefer to win forgiveness through our own efforts, by our own goodness. But God’s choice does not depend on us or on anything we do or say.  It is pure gift.

Who can fathom such forgiveness?  Who can comprehend the wideness of this mercy?

Apparently not the elder brother.  He chooses to remain in the field – refusing to attend the party, nursing his hurt feelings and questioning his father’s generosity. Before we dismiss him as selfish or stingy, let’s consider his choice and try to understand why he made it.

What concerns him is not that his younger brother has been allowed to return; it’s that he’s being given a hero’s welcome! It’s the party that troubles him. Why the feasting and dancing?

Yes, let the prodigal return – but to bread and water, not to feast on a fatted calf. Let him return in sackcloth, not to be outfitted with a new robe. Let him wear ashes, not new shoes and a shiny new ring. Let him come back in tears, not in merriment; kneeling, not dancing.[1]

What disturbs the older brother is that the father’s lavish forgiveness seems to minimize the offense. Is the offense simply to be overlooked? Are the younger brother’s actions to have no consequences? Is it fair to welcome him back without expecting him to make restitution? Doesn’t having a party send the wrong message? Doesn’t it condone his bad behavior? Is it wise, is it fair, is it acceptable, to simply let him off the hook like this? Why throw a party for such a foolish and irresponsible young man?

We can understand these feelings, can’t we? We want wrong-doers to pay for what they have done. We want there to be justice and retribution for those who suffered as a result of the offense. We want to send a message that this kind of behavior is not permissible. We can understand the elder brother’s opinion that what is needed here is tough love, not unwarranted generosity and forgiveness!

Jesus’ stories have a way of shocking us, just as they shocked his original audience. And this story shocks us by showing us the wideness of God’s mercy, the generosity of God’s love, the expanse of God’s forgiveness – all of it undeserved, unmerited.  Pure grace! The generosity of God seems to go against common sense and good judgment.  It can be hard to comprehend.

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5:43-45)

It may be difficult to understand why God is as generous to the evil as to the good, why God treats the unrighteous the same way that he treats the righteous. But when we recognize that we have been the beneficiaries of God’s amazing and abundant grace, we begin to see things differently.

The truth is that all of us, at some time and in some way, have wandered away and become lost. All of us, at some time and in some way, have squandered what has been entrusted to us. All of us have stumbled in darkness and lost sight of who and what we are meant to be.

“For there is no distinction,” says St. Paul to the Christians at Rome, “since all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”[2]

And the Very Good News of the Gospel is that God has chosen to forgive us in Jesus Christ.

When we awaken and are able to recall who we are and to whom we belong, when we stand up and dust ourselves off and begin the journey home, God comes running to meet us. God offers us forgiveness even though we don’t deserve it. God offers us pardon even though we haven’t earned it. God offers us a home even though we were the ones who chose to leave it.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost and now am found,
Was blind but now I see!

“Now I see.”

I see that…

just as God has chosen not to judge me, I can choose not to judge the people I encounter;

just as God has chosen to forgive me, I can choose to forgive those who hurt or offend me;

just as God has chosen to love me, I can choose to love others, even those who are difficult to love.

Just as God is merciful, I, too, can be merciful.


[1] Craddock, Fred; Luke (Interpretation Commentary); (Louisville, KY: John Knox Press, 1990), p.

[2] Romans 3:23

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  1. Elissa on February 16, 2024 at 22:36

    Again so many thanks for this thoughtful revisiting of this parable. May we look past our transitions to be welcomed by the Father and remembering to cherish our brothers and sisters

  2. Phil Flaherty on February 16, 2024 at 13:01

    Thank you, Br. David. For the many times I have read this parable, your insights on the father’s generosity in allowing the younger son to make his own decisions, whether or not he approved of them, hit me for the first time. I now can reflect on my own father who was that father. I certainly made many “dumb” choices over his lifetime; some times he would advise against one of my choices but never prevent. Had he lived to see my ordination, I suspect he would have brought out the fatted calf.
    -Deacon Phil

  3. Eleanor Brown on February 15, 2024 at 15:01

    Thank you Brother David for spelling out in your reminder Jesus’ wonderful messages of love and forgiveness.

  4. Melvin (Jerry) Mawhinney on February 15, 2024 at 11:49

    God’s reckless love and grace are our greatest hope.

  5. Randy LaRosa on February 15, 2024 at 10:52

    Thank you Brother David,
    This really hits home as I was in the father’s position with one of my children and just wanted the child back no mater what the issue was that sent her away .

  6. Mary Naumann on February 15, 2024 at 10:51

    Amen! M

  7. Gervaye on February 15, 2024 at 10:41

    This is so lovely. Thank you so much for it.

  8. Julianne Lindemann on February 15, 2024 at 07:34

    Dear Br Vryhof, thank you for this beautiful commentary on the prodigal son. How our choices change us every day. How our unchanging Father in heaven loves us and forgives us by His very nature. We are always welcomed home. By the grace of God I have experienced this. God’s mercy endures forever.

  9. Cameron on February 15, 2024 at 06:49

    Thank you, Br. David, for this penetrating teaching about the parable of the prodigal son. To focus on “that part of us that chooses” is to get to the heart of the matter of being human. I’ve spent my entire life (now coming up on 70) reflecting on the word spoken by one of the characters in John Steinbeck’s East of Eden: Timshel, which he understands as “ thou mayest choose.” So glad to see this sermon at the beginning of Lent 2024. Blessings on you and all the brothers.

  10. Sue Sottile on February 15, 2024 at 06:18

    Thank you, Br. David, I appreciate your wisdom and gentle reminder of God’s presence and grace. I am blessed to say that at my time of life and losses, I feel God’s presence every day and everywhere. I just have to keep my spiritual eyes and heart open and flowing with thankfulness. Still working on my own inadequacies to become a better and more forgiving person, remembering how God has already forgiven me. Great messages for Lent.

  11. Ellen Yenawine on March 21, 2023 at 11:45

    Br. David, thank you for, once again, connecting us to the heart and will of God, an inspiration to likewise be loving and forgiving.

  12. Dan Pope on April 8, 2022 at 10:09

    Thank you, Br. David. I find this a very helpful approach to my own self-examination as I contemplate where i am, how I arrived here and where I may be headed in the next month or moment.

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